A Scream For Love

I love you, you know I do,
but sometimes I ask myself if u loved me to,
I know I wasn’t perfect although I always tried…
I know I drove you insane and made you cry, 
but was that a reason to abandon me the way you did?
I was young, I was dumb, I was just a kid…
I didn’t deserve the negativity that came from you mouth,
I wasn’t that bad to always get locked in the house… 
I never meant to bring you harm, 
all I ever wanted was to be in your arms… 
but for some odd reason you treated me like a disease, 
worst of all you wished me to be deceased, 
what kind of love wishes on dead, 
what kind of person messes up a child's head… 
I needed you more then air, 
but you turned you back and acted like you didn’t care….
My tears made you smile and my cries made you laugh,
that right there should of made me hate you and blame you for such a bad pass… 
a pass that was so dark and cold, 
a child hood where the child grew up alone…
stuck in a room where it was just me and my thoughts,
I began to get sick but it wasn’t my fault, 
a pain for a pain I’ve always said, 
as I cut myself and wish I was dead, 
tears took over my life as I began to get older,
I looked up to you to talk to you but u shuck your shoulders,
I tried not to pay mind to so much hate, 
but its hard when all you do is discriminate, 
I never judged you for your actions, 
I love you so much you cant even imagine, 
for you are my everything and even now I sit here and wait, 
wait for a love I should have had from the first day, 
even though you treated me so crueley, 
no matter the distance I will always be yours truly

GRANDMA

  Last night I had a dream that I saw you, I ran up to you and held you in my arms so tight, I told you that I love you and that I wish I can spend more time with you. I remember looking into your little greens eyes and telling you that I am sorry that I didn't cry when u left us, but you see the thing was that I didn't want to believe that I wasn't ever going to see you again. I didn't noticed until today how much I miss you and how much I need you. Today I was standing in line when I saw this lady that reminded me so much of you. When she looked at me she smiled at me just like you did when I use to go to your house. I wanted to run up to her and hold her as if she was you, but I couldn't because it would only hurt me. I tried not to look at her as much as I could but I still managed to hear her. As I was waiting some lady called out her name MARIA ORTIZ, I stopped what I was doing and said to myself MARIA ORTIZ!!! That was your name. I couldn't believe it, my eyes watered as I looked at her , I smiled sadly wishing that it was you there in the same room with me. I took a deep breath as she walked away. For that was the last time I was ever going to she her. Grandma last night as you hugged me in my dream you told me that you would never leave. I miss you so much, and all the tears that I didn't cry when you first left I am crying now. I remember those days when I had to walk with you to get grandpas food, we had to walk up a really long hill, because your legs were so old and small it would take us longer, all I could think of is that I wanted to get home. To tell you the true I wish I could walk up that long hill with you one more time and just take time to tell you how much I love you. Grandma I am so sorry for all the times that you had to yell at me for not listening to you, I was just a little girl and I didn't know much..now I know that I was wrong for doing the thing that I did and again I am very sorry I miss you with all my heart! Grandma I really need you right now, my life isn't going all that good and I could really use your words to help me. Well grandma I got to go but always remember that I love you!!!!!!! IN LOVE AND IN MEMORY TO THE BEST GRANDMA EVER MARIA CALPENA ORTIZ R.I.P I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU!!!!

 

 

THE DEVILS PLAY

Darkness surrounds my mind, eco’s play in the emptiness of my heart, tear’s waters my eyes, and loneliness circles my soul…. Where’s the laughter of the little girl with in? is she finally gone? Words can’t explain how I feel, a bullet can’t describe the pain… they say talking help release stress but how can I if there’s no one to talk to? I look and I seek and there’s no one in site where did everybody go? Is this what the end looks like?? So many roads to choose from but no one standing at the end… no friends, no family… Why did they leave and why did they leave me behind? Am I that bad?? What am I, some kind of monster??? Hell can’t compare to this so called home… I guess gods didn’t make his angle strong enough to fight the devils demons… now the only laughs I hear are those of the devil insinuating that he not only  won the battle but the whole war!